


Heal

by ceciliasheplin



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Force Bond (Star Wars), Happy Ending, Idiots in Love, Kyber Crystals, Lightsabers, Nightmares, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Romance, Sharing a Bed, Visions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-03
Updated: 2020-02-03
Packaged: 2021-02-19 02:27:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22537060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ceciliasheplin/pseuds/ceciliasheplin
Summary: A few weeks after the Battle of Crait, the Force connects Rey and Ben again on several occasions as she is trying to heal the legacy saber's Kyber crystal.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 16
Kudos: 50
Collections: For one is both and both are one in love: The Reylo Fanfiction Anthology's Valentine's Day Exchange





	Heal

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LRRH17](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LRRH17/gifts).



> This is my gift for you, dear LRRH17. I hope I could fulfill your wishes and live up to your wonderful prompts. They really inspired me and I was thrilled to write this. 
> 
> I'd like to thank [thehobbem](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thehobbem/pseuds/thehobbem) for the beta. I couldn't have done this without your help.
> 
> Happy Valentines Day!
> 
> Thank you to [reylotrash711](https://archiveofourown.org/users/reylotrash711/pseuds/reylotrash711) for this perfect moodboard!

He felt empty. He stared at the void of space as he begged for guidance from the Darkness again, but his pleading was met with silence.

The voices in his head were no more and the relief it brought, however blissful, was now slowly turning into doubt and lack of conviction.

The First Order had been victorious after Crait and the Resistance reduced to a handful of people. Luke Skywalker was dead.

And yet none of it felt like a victory.

Unwilling to encourage the treacherous thoughts, he rose from his seat and began his day.

The tedious meeting with Hux dragged on forever, the general talking about how they were going to rebuild their fleet after the Holdo maneuver. When it ended, he hastily dismissed the man before he could add anything and marched to the training room.

He went ahead and ignited his own lightsaber instead of a mock saber he usually used, promptly destroying the first three training droids. The red weapon made wild circles in the air, easily going through hard metal and wire. He kept at it until he exhausted himself and almost collapsed on the floor.

No matter what he did, the dreaded night would surely come, and he knew that at some point — be it on the brink of sleep or in his dreams — he would think of her.

_Rey._

He remembered her surprised face hardening as she closed the door of the Falcon and thus closing the bond. He hadn’t dared to touch it, afraid of the pain it would cause him to realize that it was still shut.

He lay on his bed, willing sleep to mercifully take him before any of that happened.

It was futile.

He remembered many things but one thought would always remain imprinted on his mind. The way it felt to touch her hand; the only moment in his adult life anyone had ever touched him with tenderness. He was unprepared back then when she reached out her hand to him. Before he knew it, he had removed his glove and reached out, too. Then their fingers touched…

He groaned in frustration and rolled over, sitting on the bed and rubbing his eyes.

The Force around him changed in a familiar way, making him look around with a gasp.

Rey had her back to him, sitting on the floor with her legs crossed. Startled, she turned her body around to face him.

They locked eyes. Her face registered shock at first, then confusion, then sadness. Slowly, they both got up from their positions and stood in front of the other.

“Ben…” She breathed and made such a microscopic movement in his direction, he almost missed it.

“Rey,” Ben replied, forcing himself to stay still.

“I… I thought I’d closed the bond…”

“I thought you had too.”

His eyes fell onto her hand and he saw it. The broken shell of the legacy lightsaber.

Rey noticed what he was looking at and, in a reflex, tried to hide it behind her back but gave up.

“Rey—” He began but stopped himself. There was so much to say and yet no words seemed enough. He supposed they never would.

“Don’t…” She said, and exhaustion washed over her face. “Please, Ben, can we… can we not talk about it? Not right now.”

He nodded and she relaxed her hands, taking a deep breath. Defeated, she sat back on the floor, her eyes falling onto her work again, but they didn’t focus.

He stepped into her direction, as if he was being drawn to her. She didn’t react, so he took another step.

The Last Jedi and the Supreme Leader meeting in secret through the Force once again.

Now, more than ever, the promise he made to his uncle of destroying her seemed all the more ridiculous and empty.

He gazed at her on the floor. In front of her, several parts of the saber were on display along with the two halves of the Kyber crystal. She never looked at him as she resumed her tinkering with the rest of the parts.

“The crystal…” He whispered, looking at the two halves. Many times he wondered what had happened to it. He moved closer hesitantly, still afraid to cross the line.

“It broke in half with the force of our opposing pulls,” she said and clenched her jaw. He remembered the very moment, how angry and heartbroken he was. “I’m trying to heal it.”

Among the turbulence of his thoughts, he felt proud of her, an admiration that had always been there, ever since he found out she was Force-sensitive. He knew he had no right, but the emotion surged in him anyway. She was so bright, and the Force shone inside her with so much strength, more than he had ever seen in any sentient creature. Even himself, the most powerful Darksider in the galaxy.

The silence between them was not uncomfortable as he watched her work, and he wondered if she’d let him come closer.

Another step and he dared to sit down next to her. Rey’s face was calm but indicated lack of concentration. Looking more closely, he noticed the crystal had kept its color.

When his own crystal ‘bled’, it became crimson red, but still capable of producing a blade, albeit not as clear or sharp as his first one. He had no idea what happened with broken crystals. As far as he could guess, this one — his grandfather’s crystal — was dead.

Ben only had time to glance at her hands before the connection dissolved.

***

When the bond opened again, Ben was meditating. He hadn’t done that in ages but he thought the old habit might help with his state of mind. He was never good at it, he didn’t like to quiet his mind. That was when the voices became louder. 

His stomach fluttered with anticipation and he opened his eyes, hoping to see her.

Sure enough, Rey was in the room, sitting in his chair at his desk. Her hair was down and she had dark circles around her eyes, still working on the lightsaber. She looked as tired as he felt.

She slowly met his eyes and he could have sworn he saw the beginning of a smile on her face.

“There’s no controlling this, is there?” She said, blinking sleepily.

“I don’t think so,” he said and looked at the desk where the two halves lay. “Any progress?”

“Not yet. I’ve read all I can about Kyber crystals. I’ve been trying to focus on their concentrated energy. If they really are like us, attuned with the Force, almost sentient, then I should be able to communicate with it,” she recited as if she were reading it from a book. “But how to fix one, there’s not much information.”

“Unfortunately, no.”

Ben approached her slowly. Rey yawned and rubbed her eyes.

“Are you…” He hesitated, searching for better words but couldn’t find any. “...alright?”

“No… not really,” Rey said, but didn’t elaborate further.

Ben knew why she didn’t sleep. Why she couldn’t rest. He felt the same.

Rey dropped the wrench she was holding in frustration and huffed. Her gaze was vacant but she didn’t move away when Ben grabbed another chair and sat beside her.

“May I see it?”

Her eyes snapped to his and he saw a flash of hesitation there. But after a moment, she handed the crystals to him.

When he touched them, the crystal did not ‘sing’ to him; he didn’t expect it to, it already had another master. However, he could feel the tragic history of his family imprinted on the crystal. From his grandfather to his uncle, and then when it called to Rey.

“What do you think?” Rey asked.

“It’s still alive,” Ben said, honestly surprised. “So there’s a possibility.” It seemed that Kyber was a lot more resilient than he thought.

“The mechanical part is easy,” Rey said. “It’s only a matter of rewiring everything together, but the crystal...”

“You will need to meditate, to call upon the Force to heal the crystal for you.”

“I have, many times. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.”

She got up and began to pace around the room. Suddenly, she stopped and turned her body halfway to him. “Maybe… we can do it together…” The way she asked indicated that she didn’t really expect him to accept it but hoped he would. The offer made him gaze at her in surprise.

Her eyes were looking at him expectantly but he had to avert his gaze. “Kyber only responds to Lightsiders…”

His own admission of the truth made his heart tug in his chest. The Darkness would forever be his home. He preferred it that way, it was what he deserved. Now more than ever.

Rey got up and stretched out her hand to him. “I know.” She said with a soft smile.

He blinked, trying to grasp her meaning. “It won’t work,” he insisted. 

But Rey only stood there, offering him her hand.

Slowly, he got up and hovered his hand over hers. He shot her a glance and took her hand.

He felt the Force thrilling around them. From their touch, he felt his power amplify tenfold. But it was the warmth of her touch and the softness of her skin that sent his heart racing out of control, more than any power. His breath shook in his lungs and he did his best to keep his face under control.

He had thought about it so many times, desperately trying to commit to memory how her skin felt under his. Now he feared becoming addicted.

On her other hand Rey held the crystals, closing her eyes. He did the same and stepped into the Force with her, letting it guide him.

He felt the thread that connected all living things. On his end there was the Dark, powerful and full of passion. On Rey’s there was the Light, bright and rich. 

But they were not at war here.

This understanding came from Rey. He was surprised by how unafraid she was, plunging herself in the whirlpool of Light and Dark.

She opened up her mind to him to let him see her wishes, what she was seeking above all: the elusive balance in the Force.

Ben was skeptical. It was a myth, a failed prophecy that had brought nothing but misery to those who believed in it.

But the bond sang between them, and he supposed he would never fully grasp the complexity and depth of what happened between them when it was created.

The crystals had lain forgotten in her hand, but before long, he felt Rey reach out. The Kyber felt distant and cold, as if it was almost unwilling to be whole again. Ben joined in.

They kept at it for a while, investigating the Force around it, but after some time had passed, Rey broke the meditation. He opened his eyes and realized how close they were, and that they didn’t let go of each other’s hands. She looked up at him blushing, and he felt his heart race.

He felt the bond closing and Rey tightly held onto his hand until she faded away.

***

“Alright,” Rey said, straightening her back. “We must concentrate on the crystal this time.”

Ben felt his cheeks flush against his will. He wondered if she knew how he felt when he touched her hand whenever they did this. He felt a little silly even, but there was nothing he could do about it.

So far, all their attempts had resulted in failure, the two halves were still separated and no matter how much they tried, the Force didn’t give them any answers.

“Right. The crystal. Of course.” He said as calmly as he could.

Still Rey refused to give up, and so did he. It occurred to him how ridiculous this was, him helping his greatest enemy rebuild the weapon that she would one day use to defeat him.

Rey held out her hand between them with the crystals and Ben placed his hand over hers. Concentrating, he sent his mind into the Force, following her again...

_Ben…_

_Ben opens his eyes. He can see a building in the distance where many people are passing through. The Force is strong in this place, but quiet, at peace. There’s green everywhere and there are two moons in the twilight sky._

_He is wearing different clothes, grey robes and a black cape, no gloves. He feels his hair and it’s longer, half of it tied on the back of his head._

_He looks beside him and sees Rey smiling at him, holding his hand._

_The soft, warm breeze blows through, carrying her perfume to him. She smells like the sun. Ben smiles back and feels like he has done this a million times._

_The happiness that hits him in that moment is almost too much, but he has no time to process any of it._

_Rey’s not there anymore and neither is the building. Ben looks around and he’s in a sort of training grounds, same moons, same forest. Rey has her hair in a long braid that almost reaches her hips. She looks so beautiful, so happy. She walks among her students, sharp eyes watching them, while they practice levitation._

_“Lifting rocks...” She says to them. Then she looks at Ben she smiles the most beautiful smile he’s ever seen._

_He steps into her direction but she’s disappeared and he’s somewhere else again. A wooden house, with simple but cosy furniture and lots of house plants everywhere. The sun enters through one of the large windows. He feels so warm._

_When he turns around, he comes face to face with his mother, and his knees almost bend from the emotion and shock. The new wrinkles on her face and her grey hair make his heart so heavy, but Leia smiles at him just the way she used to do._

_He is frozen in place but his mother simply moves to hold him tight in her arms. Leia tells him she’s proud of him and that she loves him; she calls him her son. He wants to say something but his throat is too tight._

_Ben..._

He landed on his feet and opened his eyes. He was startled; he didn’t realize they were hovering in the air. Rey was breathing hard in front of him with tears in her eyes. She let go of his hands and turned her back to him.

“Rey?”

“I’m sorry, Ben…” Rey whimpered. “It’s too painful…”

His face was wet too and he furiously wiped the tears away, going after her. He made to touch her shoulder, but he hesitated.

“The vision,” Rey murmured. “I don’t understand why the Force would show me that again...”

“You’ve seen this before?” He asked, wondering if the Force would ever be done with giving them impossible visions of the future.

“Yes…”

_… just the shape of it, but solid and clear..._

Ben let out his breath and his gaze fell to the ground. “I… I can’t do that, Rey…”

Rey turned around to face him with bright eyes. “Yes, you can.”

“I’m lost,” he said in a broken voice. “Gone. The Dark Side—”

“I don’t care about that!”

“You should,” Ben insisted.

“Darkness, Light… It’s all a part of the Force. You have been shown that,” Rey argued.

Ben didn’t have an answer for her. Her look wasn’t inquisitive, it was a mix of forlorn hope and compassion, as if she had tried to accept their fate as enemies as much as he did but still couldn’t let go.

“Rey…” He whispered into the void as she faded from his grasp once more.

***

The Force stirred again, waking him up. He knew what the feeling meant by now, but the sluggishness caused by fitful sleep made his brain take longer to recognize the small silhouette sleeping on his bed.

Startled, Ben gasped and recoiled. Rey was shivering, her back to him. Not knowing what to do he stayed there, wide-eyed, when she suddenly turned to face him.

His heart almost broke at the sight of her pained face. The shiver intensified and she fisted the sheet, whimpering and curling herself up into a ball.

Their bond let him know of the pain she was in. She was trapped in a bad dream; he knew the feeling all too well. 

She began to cry.

Scooting closer, he hovered his hand over her forehead. He closed his eyes in concentration, willing their surroundings to calm down. Slowly, the Force answered him.

He took deep breaths with her, slowing it down and soothing her mind.

“Ben?”

His eyes flew open and met hazel ones even in the dimness of the room. There were tears but her face looked calm.

“The bond… it opened…” Ben muttered, reeling himself in. “You were having a nightmare… I’m sorry.”

“Don’t… don’t apologize… I-I… thank you…” Rey softly said, taking his hand. “I heard your voice calling me. And I followed it.”

He watched as she laced her fingers with his, and moved closer.

“I saw… my parents…” She said with a vacant stare and pain in her voice. “I was running after them, but they were just out of reach. The more I ran, the further away they were, leaving me with this… feeling…” she shivered at the word. “This is the dream that I hate the most.”

She broke down again, hiding her face in her hands and Ben felt compelled to do something, anything. “Will you let me hold you?”

She was in his arms the next second, nuzzling herself into his chest. He held her tightly and his heart almost hurt at the intensity of this gesture. He couldn't breathe, couldn’t think and yet he’d never felt more alive and awake. She cried in his arms and he felt tears prickle his eyes also.

It was only when he was with her that his mind was at ease. Not the anxious silence or the hopelessness from before. She flooded all his senses and soothed his heart. Just as much as he was trying to do to her.

“Ben…” His name in her voice sounded like a prayer. Ben never questioned why he let her call him by his old, forbidden name while anyone else would have their lives promptly threatened. Now he knew.

“You’ve seen me cry many times now,” she continued with a smirk and sniffled. “You’re the only one who knows me like this.”

“You’re the only one who knows me, too.”

He felt almost dizzy with her proximity, especially when her hand tentatively hovered over his face. Immediately, he leaned into her hand and she cupped his cheek. 

He closed his eyes. The shiver running down his spine would have been enough to bring him to his knees. 

She bit her lip when her fingers travelled up, gently brushing a strand of hair away from his face. Her hands on him felt so wonderful, he didn’t want her to stop.

In this small world they created in the bed – allowed and blessed by the Force – the war was forgotten as were all the words left unsaid between them. 

Rey’s fingers softly caressed Ben’s hair and he sighed with almost each stroke. His eyes searched her face, stopping on every feature, adoring them. Her hazel eyes were his favourite thing about it, followed closely by her freckles.

Her hand fell from his scalp and back to his chest. He immediately missed her warmth but she then buried her face in the crook of his neck, he heard little hiccups and felt her tiny frame shake.

He hoped that the tears would be good ones, that they would help her heal instead of hurting her, unlike his own that only came down on his face when he couldn’t take it anymore and never offered any form of consolation.

Rey emerged from her position and looked at him. A small smile surged on her lips as she took his hand and placed it on her cheek. He breathed in when he touched her; it felt like electricity was passing through, just as wonderful as being touched. It was something he had never had before. A relief he had searched everywhere but never found it. A happiness he thought he would never have and had learned to live without.

He faintly wondered why she was here in his arms, accepting his touch when she could be anywhere else, with anyone else.

As if she sensed it, Rey grabbed his shirt and pulled them even closer, leaning her forehead against his, both closing their eyes.

The bond felt deeper now, and it lulled his mind along with hers into unconsciousness, both safe and comforted in each other’s arms.

***

When the bond opened again, Ben was pacing around the conference room, among his officers. Rey materialized in front of him across the room, right behind Hux who was raging about some star system the First Order still needed to conquer.

“... the Bothans are historical allies of the Old Republic,” Hux said as Ben walked over to him, making Hux eye him with slight confusion. “There’s no reason to believe they will cooperate, we must be– Supreme Leader?”

If Ben were paying attention, he would have seen Hux’s shocked and slightly disgusted expression when Ben got closer towards him, with an almost smile on his face. Ben gave Rey a small nod and left the room without another word.

“Supreme Leader?” Ben heard Hux’s annoyed and confused voice behind him, but paid him no mind as he strode towards his quarter.

The door hissed closed and he turned around and saw her there.

“Ben!” That smile would be the end of him. He walked over to her, wanting to hold her again but couldn’t muster up the courage. He looked at her stretched out palm and saw the lightsaber in her hand.

“I-I… wanted to tell you,” she said, her smile fading.

“Yes?” Ben said, his eyes hovering over her freckles.

“I’m ready to give up.”

“Oh…” For some reason, he was disappointed by that.

“I read all about ‘healing’ the crystal, but there was only one instance of it happening in history. A Jedi healed a crystal that had been bled and got her white lightsaber from it. But this crystal has never been ‘bled’, has it? It was _broken_ in half. By two Force users.” She gestured between the two of them. “So I don’t think it’s possible to heal it. It broke. That’s it.”

“What are you going to do?” Ben asked.

Rey sighed. “Go find another one, I suppose.”

“You will have to go to...”

“...Ilum’s Crystal Caves,” they said in unison.

Rey smiled and sighed, placing the newly fixed shell of the lightsaber on a surface that was not there with them so it looked like it was floating in the air. “Maybe you could go with me if you can find time in your busy life as the Supreme Leader…” She joked while she played with the two halves of the crystal in her hand, but her smile was sad.

“I wish I could…” He said sincerely.

“You could...” Rey softly said after a moment, staring absentmindedly at the broken crystal.

When she looked at him again, her eyes had changed, becoming filled with longing.

“Rey,” Ben sighed. “I told you. I can’t…”

“I don’t believe that.”

“I _know_ I can’t, Rey,” Ben blurted out before he could keep it in. “I can’t be with you. I can’t be forgiven. I can’t go back to the Light.”

Rey stepped closer and he watched as she brought her left hand to his cheek. Her thumb caressed his scar, the one she gave him, when they still called each other enemies. The small gesture was enough to shift his entire control over himself. He began to shake.

“I know who you are. Who you really are,” she calmly said, moving even closer, looking into his eyes. “I’ve seen it. Darkness, Light, it doesn’t matter. All you have to do is take the leap.”

“No…” He said with no conviction.

“Yes,” she gently countered. “I told you. I’ll help you. Your mother will help you.”

A choked sound came out of his throat, making his eyes burn. He had denied his family for so long, hated them for so long, and he held onto it with all his might. It was all he ever really had.

_“But not anymore, Ben…”_

She was so close, looking at him with those beautiful hazel eyes that he adored.

_“Let the past die…”_ He heard her voice again through the bond, echoing his own speech as she bought her face closer to his.

Ben leaned in and met her awaiting lips. The bond opened up even more and a rush of emotion flowed between them. Ben didn’t know which ones were his and which ones were hers but it didn’t matter; they were the same.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer as his arms circled the small of her back. Her lips were so soft. He kissed them even without knowing how, but she didn’t seem to mind. She opened her mouth to capture his lips on hers and he did the same and they fit together perfectly.

They kissed for hours, or minutes, or maybe just a few seconds, Ben didn’t know; he couldn’t really think, he didn’t want to. When they parted, Ben slowly opened his eyes.

Rey had flushed cheeks, gazing at him with adoration.

But suddenly she gasped and brought her hand between them. They both gazed upon what she was holding.

The Kyber crystal was whole again. It shone in her palm, flawless, as if it had never been broken.

Her smile was radiant at him, his eyes darted between hers and he smiled too.

But his joy began to fade as he felt the bond closing. Desperate, he tried to hold onto Rey just a little longer.

Before she was gone he was able to tell her with a ghost of a smile on his lips. _“I’m ready. I’m ready to go home.”_

**Author's Note:**

> I was thrilled to be a part of this exchange. I love this fandom!


End file.
